Mail Whore

The 15th "Meanest" City

2006-01-12T23:33:00.000-06:00

Austin may have been deemed the most "fit" city in the nation, but that "fitness" doesn't seem to extend to those who typically reside at I-35 and Riverside or similar intersections. The National Coalition for the Homeless recently ranked Austin as the nation's 15th "meanest" city for the homeless. Other Texan urban bretheren occupy the list as well:

Dallas ranks 6th
Houston ranks 7th
San Antonio ranks 13th

"Groups survey 20 'meanest' cities for homeless" +MSNBC-

Burka's "Conservative Case" for Gay Marriage

2006-01-01T22:30:00.000-06:00

Texas Monthly Senior Executive Editor Paul Burka wrote a thoughtful "conservative case" for gay marriage in the January issue. He makes some logical, fully digestable arguments, and he mentioned that he voted with the 60% majority of Austinites and Travis County (the solitary island county atop a sea of ban proponents) voters against Proposition 2. There is one section of Burka's article, however, that contains an idea that by now should be moot:

Then there are the issues that can't be legislated. Is sexual preference genetic or a choice? This question matters because most proponents of gay marriage argue that sexual preference is genetically determined, while opponents disagree. The scientific evidence for the existence of a gay (male) gene is inconclusive. Here I hedge again; I believe that it's both genetic and a choice, that inclination and influence are two ends of a continuum [...] This is a real concern for parents who believe that sexual preference is a matter of choice and that their kids' choice can be influenced by such displays [of public affection].

Paul Burka, Texas Monthly
V. 34 Issue 1 January 2006

Even if homosexuality was a choice, it wouldn't and shouldn't matter. If sexuality was a decision consciously and deliberately made, it would be a decision harming no one. Parents' fear is a selfish one: that their child being gay would destroy a master plan that includes white weddings, grandkids, and suburban white-picket-fence bliss.

Veni, Vidi, but no Vicci

2006-01-01T21:34:00.000-06:00

Vicci is not Studio 54, but it thinks it is.

A $30 cover charge to get into club with delusions of grandeur is, of course, ridiculous. But there were rumours last night that doormen told people in line that they could cut if they coughed up $100. That is absurd. And anyone who actually paid over $100 to get into Vicci on New Year's Eve was, is, and forever will be, an idiot. What's next, Vicci? Asking chicks to take their tops off and asking guys to show off their dicks in order to get in? Ridiculous? Yes. Lude? Maybe. Hot? Absolutely.

Mosh Pit Santas & Dirty Footballs

2005-12-27T22:15:00.000-06:00

I spent Christmas night with shirtless Santas. Santas with mohawks.

It was around 10:15 pm when I started to wait until 10:45 to get into Fitzgerald's in Houston. The line to get in was glittered with colorful characters, some of whom politely stepped out of line to take vomit breaks. Pre-drinking was not kind to them.

Home for the holidays and not in the mood to write another chapter in my family Encyclopedia Dysfunctiona (in which many juicy chapters were written this season), I left the house to go see a punk rock group at the club off of Studemont on the west side.

So at about a quarter until 11:00 I'm in the club, and after about 10 text messages and barely discernable phone calls, I finally meet up with my cousin upstairs. Practically yelling over the pre-show din while waiting in a mile long line to get a drink, he tells me that the band's name is "Dirty Football." I'm already disappointed. Footballs are supposed to be dirty, I thought. How bouts "Dirty Faberge Egg" or "Clean Turd."

We escaped to the second tier overlooking the stage before the show began. After meeting my cousin's friend with pink hair and meeting another friend of his named Raven (who I didn't get to know very well because she didn't quoth enough), I looked down upon the band's drum set. "30 Foot Tall," it read. Not "Dirty Football." Sigh + Relief.

30 Foot Tall ended up being rather kick-ass. They started the show with the obligatory Sex Pistols' "Punk Rock Christmas." But I spent most of the night watching the guys (and some chicks with tits of steel) down in the mosh. It wasn't very long before three punks in Santa suits came out and started kicking some asses. Cue the camera phones.

It was a Merry Friggin Christmas overall. Christmas happens to be my birthday as well. But paradoxically, my birthday sucked.

The Trail of Smites

2005-12-22T00:06:00.000-06:00

Don't go to the Zilker Trail of Lights this year unless:

You have a few beers in you first. Or if you're comfortable sipping from a flask of lukewarm whiskey in front of impressionable children.
You don't mind me saying in jest, "Wow, this is a child molester's paradise."
You won't go irate after noticing that while the trail does display the four South Park kids, it doesn't show even a smear of Mr. Hankey, the trademark of a South Park Christmas.
You don't mind arguing with an evangelist who roams under the big Christmas tree. I shit you not on this one. He'll initiate the conversation with "Has anyone ever asked you the Million Dollar Question?" For the love of God, say "yes, yes someone has. Thanks for asking. Excuse me while I go get some kettle corn to throw onto little children." If you answer "no," prepare for a polite yet irritating smiting.
You don't mind not finding out what the Million Dollar Question was, even after 15 minutes of pointless debate.
You don't mind walking a few miles from where you parked to walk a few miles on a trail.

The Carver is...The Brown Bar

2005-12-21T23:30:00.000-06:00

The Brown Bar's relatively heavy advertising campaign to bring people in for the season finale of Nip/Tuck paid off. At least it did for Brown Bar. Tuesday night, the line outside the overpriced 8th and Colorado yup-pub was about 15 soon-to-be drunkards deep around 9:00. I didn't feel like waiting the time equivalent of three beers to get inside, so I headed over to Logan's on 6th and Brazos. The crowd there wasn't as thick, and it was quiet enough to hear most of the gory details of the finale.

Apparently, Logan's showed Nip/Tuck every Tuesday during the season. Wish I would have known about that earlier; Logan's serves Shiner by the liter. That's almost enough to keep a starving Irish family of five alive for a week.

Thin Ice Not so Bad Afterall

2005-12-13T23:04:00.000-06:00

Ice skating just doesn't seem as exciting when there isn't a life at stake. It's difficult to take ice skating seriously without the mortal threat of the ice sheet collapsing beneath my Tonya Harding autographed skates.

But, mortality must be substituted for frivolity in Texas, where the biggest temperature change in a lake is when a fat nudist takes a fat piss at Hippie Hollow. There are several options in the downtown area. You could go to Northcross Mall, but if that annoying commercial makes you cry like Nancy Kerrigan every time you see it, the new Whole Foods Rink is the alternative. Considering that the rink is perched upon a ledge overlooking busy 6th Street, there's a better chance that your ice skating experience will be a dangerous one. Get sauced with Whole Foods' fine selection of microbrewed beer before you hit the ice, and you'll be in a whole world of pain.

Happy skating.

Oasis no mas

2005-06-02T06:43:00.000-05:00

I'm in Spain right now, hence the lack of entries during the last few weeks and hence my deep disinterest in and avoidance of anything that is transpiring in the states. But I heard today that the Oasis burned to the ground, and my disappointment is palpable.

Now I'm going to break out the popcorn, and wait and see if any shady police conversations happened during this bonfire, too. Oh, and if there's another shit storm regarding monetary handouts from the Council to rebuild.

HJR 6 Delayed

2005-05-16T10:19:00.000-05:00

So HJR 6, the anti-gay Texas Marriage Amendment, was supposed to be opened for public testimony today. But it didn't happen. Sources on the scene say that the hearing will be pushed back to this Thursday. Shucks! Now everyone will just have to wait to see the Lege demonstrate its unconditional, bosom-embracing love for all Texans.

TrafficFest 2005 to Coincide with ACL Fest

2005-05-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

For those who miss the 24 hour IH-35 gridlocks that strangely coincided with South by Southwest or the Texas Relays, fear not: the Austin City Limits festival grows nigh. Austinites will once again be able to experience the sheer, sublime bliss of interstate highway efficiency just in time for the new school year next September.

But the extended lineup released by ACL today truly makes up for any peripheral annoyances. Bands who made an impression at SXSW pepper the lineup alongside veteran favorites.

Just a few:

Coldplay
Oasis
Wilco
Thievery Corporation
Death Cab
The Doves
M83
Aqualung
Kasabian
Franz Ferdinand
Spoon
The Bravery
Asleep at the Wheel

Aren't they Precious!

2005-05-09T15:54:00.000-05:00

Meet the Cast

Originally uploaded by Matt1225.

Real World: Doesn't Have to Go Home, Can't Stay Here

2005-05-09T15:28:00.000-05:00

The cast of Real World Austin is packing up after about three and a half months on 3rd and San Jacinto. The tapes will probably hit the air sometime after the repackaged Real World/Road Rules "Inferno" crap ends it's product placement extravaganza (remember when foul-tempered Karamo shamlessly, and in a manner totally out-of-character, said: "Hold on guys, we're getting a message on our T-Mobile Sidekick II?")

You're bibulous friends probably weren't lying when they said they saw the cast on Sixth Street, so naturally, expect a season filled with drunken, overly dramatic mayhem.

"Welcome to the Real World" [Austin-American Statesman]

Keep Austin Weird (But only a little)

2005-05-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

Well, despite her greatest efforts--but not her first effort, and probably not her last--Jennifer Gale wasn't able to snag Place 4 on the Austin City Council. Gale pulled in 5,315 votes (9%) and came in third place. Perhaps badly kempt hair, singing at the podium, and overall bespectacled frumpiness just hasn't yet won all of the hearts of even the weirdest of Austinites.

But fret not. Gale has run for U.S. Representative, Austin Mayor, and Austin City Council Member. So, judging by the consistent narrowing and focusing of political campaigns, you're sure to see her running for town Dog Catcher soon enough.

In related news, Place 3 candidate Gregg Knaupe wasn't able to win, despite last ditch efforts to be young or trendy by creating a group on thefacebook.com.
I just discovered that Jennifer Gale was transgendered. The stylist must've done a bang up job or I maybe I'm naive. But I think it was because the grainy campaign videos on Austin's cable netherworld (Channels 10-20 on TimeWarner) didn't do any of the candidates much justice. [Candidate videos available here]
Smokers are no longer safe to bathe in their own concentrated toxicity, forced to move out into cold, rain, and traffic. The ban goes into effect September 1. That is unless opposers continue their Sisyphusian efforts to keep it from happening. Soon, establishments considerate enough to quarantine their smoking sections after last year's ban (e.g. Trudy's), will probably tear down their glass partitions to make shiny new tables for the gluttons they serve. But gluttons, of course, affect no one but themselves. Unless you're paying for their medical bills, that is. Keep an nose out for the underground smoke-easy's that are bound to pop up.

Well, shit.

2005-05-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

Ambivalent feelings about the smoking ban abound, but at least it's over.

Final tallies:

Smoking Ban (FOR): 52%/48%
Place 1 (Lee Leffingwell): ~64%
Place 3 (Margot Clarke): ~40%
Place 4 (Betty Dunkerley): ~63%

The Votes Are In (Kinda)

2005-05-07T21:09:00.000-05:00

The race is still on for Places [1], [3], and [4] of the Austin City Council.

The results thus far (9:12 PM Eastern):

Place 1: Lee Leffingwell with an overwhelming percentage of the vote (62%)

Place 3: Margot Clarke with 40%

Place 4: Incumbent Betty Dunkerly with an overwhelming percentage of the vote (62%)

The heated smoking ban ordinance is close at 51%/48% For/Against.

About 177 of 256 precincts have reported (69%)

Live updates [KXAN.com]

What a sadomasochistic hottie!

2005-05-07T17:38:00.000-05:00

annblack

I Heart Ann Coulter

2005-05-07T16:38:00.000-05:00

For the record: my immune system has never been able to fully fight the venom that frequently spews from Ann Coulter's pearly white fangs. And, by and large, I've never agreed with anything she has said.

Also for the record: I love this woman.

It's so difficult to get millions of people to love you. So, knowing this, Coulter decided to get everyone to hate her, which isn't necessarily an ignoble goal. She sends college kids into a frenzy, leaves some of them crying, and then laughs about it the whole way. If you're a big fan of pure evil, as most of us are on some level at some point in our lives, Ann Coulter is for you.

At Coulter's speech Tuesday night at the LBJ Auditorium, one student understood the game completely. Ajai Raj reportedly came to to the microphone and asked, "You say that you believe in the sanctity of marriage...How do you feel about marriages when the man does nothing but fuck his wife up the ass?" Raj was soon arrested by campus police.

Brilliant move. With one question, Raj was able to accomplish exactly what Coulter accomplishes with likewise acerbity. Now, he too has become a media insta-whore, with his own mugshot amongst the thesmokinggun.com's pantheon.

Three cheers for those to the far left and right of crazy for bringing entertainment to us all.

My deepest regret is that I wasn't able to attend the beautiful disaster.

[DrudgeReport]
Update on the Fate of Ajai Raj [BurntOrangeReport]